Coming out of closet but its a life changing choice?

I am an 18 year old white male.Through out a majority of my life I knew I was different from other children. I often throughout the years have labeled myself a bisexual but as of recently it has changed to being gay in the past 7 months. Prior I was all about women and for good reasons. My life goal was to find that one special female I can share my life with . I also never even kissed a girl so for me it is something I want to do. I am just upset recently because in my late teen years I have been worrying that I am not gonna bw able to get the love and attraction for women back. I really try. I used to see hot women and I never had to think it was an automatic response but now its only for men and I have to kill myself to do it for a women. My mind plays tricks on me and im getting tired of it. Now what am I complaining about? Honestly I am not homophobic anymore. In was when I was 13 and immature doing the usual as crap like using derogatory terms and put downs towards male homosexuals because of my growing distaste for my sexual preference and I think this intrusion of males only love is a retaliation from my body because I have kind of repressed those feelings. SO heres why I am having trouble coming out..I am basically having to bare the thought thought that I am not straight. I am not like 100 percent at all. I am just mad because I love women and mentally it isn't working so well. But if I come out of the closet I have to adapt and assimilate myself into the gay culture because mostly people who aren't in the gay community will abandon me. I also worry how the gay community will treat me, I know that the gay culture is very different. Gay men and women usually go to bars and have on and off relationships and basically have fun unlike uptight straights. I am just worried I am gonna lose my family and friends for making this life changing choice. It is because once you come out your life already is changed and you must bare the hardships all gays do. I HATE INTOLERANCE!!! Yet I was once intolerant and feel ashamed I did those things because of my anger and insecurity towards myself. I feel like its time for me to be with the gay community since I am basically one of them and should quit killing myself and having trouble sleeping at night. To end this I am just afraid to explore my homosexuality because I am afraid I will never love a woman again and I will lose everything I worked for. I am an artist and an atheist this shouldn't be hard but it is.